he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, beer. Big fan.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
