haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
