my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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