so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
