mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
