what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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