I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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