There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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