There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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