too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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