All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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