Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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