i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize