maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
