nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
