i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
