i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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