Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
