i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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