Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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