question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
