got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize