He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
