this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
