absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
