Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He shit in the fireplace
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
