kristin has been a bad kristin
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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