we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
