Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
