I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
