When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
