You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
