i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
