Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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