I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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