you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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