so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
