I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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