okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
