Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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