I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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