barbara walters just said penis...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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