if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
