I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
