How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
