I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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