Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
