True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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