conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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