I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
