you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
