Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
