I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
