someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
