She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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