giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
