I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
