Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
