I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
