Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
