I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
