everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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