I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
