Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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