I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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