you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
