he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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