Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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