There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
