God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
