Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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