It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
