Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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