I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
