I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
