If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Text me some of your sweat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
