she takes plan B like it's going out of style
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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