words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
