i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
