Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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