i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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