is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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