mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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