remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
