wrigley field is MILF paradise
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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